Wednesday, July 30, 2003

How Americans use their Hummer H2:

� Delivering Girl Scout cookies: 16%
� Becoming Exxon's customer of the month: 21%
� Intimidating fellow man: 46.5%
� Hauling "Starving Artists" painting purchases: 4%
� Overcoming fear of heights: 12%
� Playing hide and seek: 9%
� Off-roading: 0.5%

Sometimes I miss Athens. Then I remember that Athens can be cliquier (is that a word?) than high school and the west end warehouse hipsters at times, and then I don't so much miss Athens as much as I miss the Golden Bowl at the Grit.

My lord that was a long sentence.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

BLOGGER
It's acquire new music day around here. Earlier I snagged some free CDs from production: Adam Ant and Cyndi Lauper. Ok, ok. They were free. After work I think I'll check out Tower Records. I try to steer clear of corporate music but I've never been and it's practically next door. Not really planning on buying anything; what are the odds of Tower carrying the new France album? Which I don't have yet. And need.

Don't drink. Don't smoke. What do you do?

Friday, July 25, 2003

I have recurring dreams of the strip malls in my childhood town. They look the same as they did in 1984. They are not dead. They are positive additions. I'm the negative one in this situation. The air is thick here.

Tonite I'm going to see that Japanese movie "The Eye." Tomorrow night: Blur. Life is ok, sometimes.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

I was listening to WREK for at least 5 minutes yesterday before I realized I was listening to something along the lines of crickets chirping.

In other college radio news, is there anything more painful than listening to the "88 update" on 88.5?

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

How is Charles Taylor Gellin'?
(from McSweeneys.net)

Last week, we asked McSweeney's readers to tell us the specific manner in which Liberian President Charles Taylor might be gellin' and we received hundreds of replies. The most common guess was some variation of "like a war crimes felon" but only one person, T.G. Gibbon, was able to provide us with the answer we were looking for:

(Charles Taylor is) "Gellin' like a despot who came to power the same year I won my high school chess championship in a brutally one-sided match against Israeli exchange student Elron Yellin."


BEST ATTEMPT TO AVOID USING THE WORD "FELON"
Gellin' like a war crimes appellant.

BEST REFERENCE TO THE MAN WITH THE ODDEST JOB OF THE 1980'S
Gellin' like The People's Court's Doug Llewelyn.

BEST ANNOTATED PART I
Gellin' like superglue, cause paper stick to him like kids to watermelon. (true: his nickname is superglue because paper i.e. money seems to stick to him.)

BEST EXPOSE OF AN UNDERREPORTED ASPECT OF THE CRISIS
Gellin' like his people's lack of penicillin.

BEST "THE WEEK"-STYLE SYNOPSIS
Gellin' like a warlord whose opponent-fellin', diamond-sellin' antics have set a lot of pre-teens to rebellin'.

BEST ANSWER WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT REFER TO THE AUTHOR'S IMMEDIATE CIRCUMSTANCES
Gellin' like there are people outside my window yellin'.

BEST ANSWER MAKING NO MORE OR LESS SENSE THAN THE ORIGINAL COMMERCIALS
Gellin' like seedless watermelon

BEST ATTEMPT TO NEGOTIATE A SOLUTION, RHYMING BE DAMNED
Gellin' in the South of France in exile'in

BEST REFERENCE TO EIGHTH GRADE HISTORY
As a leader who has consistently been wrapped up in imbroglios, insurrections, and questions of colonialism, I reckon that Charles Taylor is gellin' like Magellan.

MOST WELCOME ARI FLEISCHER REFERENCE
"Gellin' like the old lady who pisses (off) Ari Fleischer named Helen",

BEST ATTEMPT AT A LIMERICK
Liberian President Charles Taylor Is gellin'
Like someone avoiding a Samuel Doe-style killin',
Where at his ears some fool is flailin'
With a razor while he's yellin'
And later on, videos of it they be sellin'.

MOST SURPRISING DEVELOPMENT: ONLY ONE ANSWER OF HUNDREDS REFERENCED A CERTAIN BRAND OF CANVAS SNEAKERS
Gellin' like a fool who thinks that his shoes are what all the cool kids are wearin'.

BEST UNGRAMMATICAL ATTEMPT AT MAKING LEMONADE FROM LEMONS
Gellin' like a string-bikini with Gisele in.

MOST INTERESTING NEW INTERPRETATION OF THE ILIAD
Gellin' like the U.S. was Menelaus and he kidnapped Helen.

BEST COMBINATION OF FOLK WISDOM AND APOCALYPTIC REVELATION
Gellin' like a man giving us a new handbasket to go to hell in.

BEST REFERENCE TO THE BRAIN EXPLODER�S FAVORITE SCALE OF TEMPERATURE MEASUREMENT
Charles Taylor is 'Gellin like a deposed dictator whose country forgoes Fahrenheit in favor of Kelvin.

BEST ANNOTATED PART II
Gellin' like the black market diamonds he be stealin' and sellin (primarily to DeBeers Inc, actually.)

BEST REFERENCE TO THE BEN CURTIS OF THE 1984 OSCARS
Gellin' like Haing S. Ngor in the Fields of Killin'.

BEST REFERENCE TO A GUY WE HAD TO GOOGLE
Gellin' like Nigerian President Obasanjo Olusegun.



Okay, I officially made the switch from BlogOut to HaloScan. I couldn't handle the Klink Family's hijinks anymore. If anyone previously made any extroadinarily witty comments on BlogOut recently please repeat them on new improved commenting system. I haven't had access to my comments for days now.

Hahahahhahahhaha.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

I'm moving to the Interzone. See everyone in 5-7 weeks.

Where are the shout outs? Why do they keep dissappearing?
Hipster bingo is my thing of the day. It makes me want to shut down the Local again. It is raining, and I want to watch the rain with a Parliament and a PBR.

Monday, July 21, 2003

In the wise words of Wayne and Garth, it was a most excellent weekend. One of those staying out until 6am, sleeping until afternoon, watching TV for a couple of hours and then drinking again weekends. Oh, and I discovered I really really like playing soccer. So if anyone's down I'm probably going to play again next Sunday evening. Soccer and pizza are my new best friends. White pizza. From Fellini's.

Apparently pictures of the Supreme Court justices are not public domain. Apparently you have to get permission from each of them individually. I wish someone had told us that BEFORE we started concepting ads.

Things I did earlier today while waiting for the V+ blog to load onto my ghetto i-Mac:
-got coffee from the lobby.
-talked about soccer.
-wrote something pithy on the dry-erase board.
-examined my 1984 Polaroid camera.
I am listening to Marble Valley.

Friday, July 18, 2003

Well this is bullshit. It feels like a warning to people, like watch out for those trickster waiters trying to get you to tip above 10%. And personally, it creeps me out when servers "touch" me. And vice versa.

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Canyonero

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
Smells like a steak, and seats thirty five?
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Hey, hey!
Twelve yards long, two lanes wide,
Sixty five tons of American pride!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
She blinds everybody with her super high beams
She's a squirrel-squashin', deer-smackin' drivin' machine
Canyonero! Canyonero! Canyonero!
Whoa, Canyonero! Whoa!

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

80% of the creative department is playing Halo right now.
Today I did the casting for a new radio spot. That's entirely too much power for me to have. I feel like I'm deciding who gets to eat this week, though that's probably a gross exaggeration.

I just discovered Princess Superstar. I'm so behind on this.

Monday, July 14, 2003

When art procreates with itself and starts feeding on it's offspring you get the Cremaster Cycle.

I wonder if those girls that hang out at MJQ on Wednesday nights go to their hair stylists and say "Yeah, give me the girl-from-the-Journey-video-'Separate Ways'-look."

Is there a disease that hinders you from filling out time sheets? I think I have that.

Friday, July 11, 2003

it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's
friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's
friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...it's friday at
five...it's friday at five...it's friday at five...

This is my LAST weekend at the Flying Biscuit.
Please come visit me- Saturday night or Sunday day.


Wednesday, July 09, 2003

I wish I were at San Fermin. I want to live in a Hemingway novel for a week.

So far...one sad little web site hit. 00001.

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

I'm slowly falling in love with Tivo. Yesterday I watched Ocean's 11, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Ewan McGregor vs. The Polar Bears (on PBS). I set it to record Trainspotting and now it records everything with Ewan (ewen?) McGregor. Oh sweet Tivo! It's as though it knows me. On the flipside I think my brain is slowly being sucked dry, but who cares when I can not only watch Sex and the City, I can watch it any damn time I want.

Unfortunate side-by-side headlines on Netscape.com part 2:

Conjoined Twins Dead After Separation Surgery.
Putting the 'fun' back in funerals.

UPDATE: It now reads:

13 Shot, 6 Dead in Miss. Workplace Shooting
Putting the 'fun' back in funerals.

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

Maybe it's the rain or the early(ish) hour, but I'm finding myself liking the new(ish,again) Coldplay album. I'm cranking it through the headphones and enjoying the solitude of the cubicle.
Oh dear. So much for attempting to be somewhat cool.

It must be the rain. So far this summer I'm soggy.