Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Here are two of my favorite bits from adult swim:

Meatwad and Brak's Quentin Tarantino Theater

Space Ghost's "Nature" Documentary

k back to werk.

Monday, November 28, 2005


coats coats gravy boats

notice the korean rasta guy in one of the pictures...

me and sara and a monorail DISASTER

we had a pretty good view of all the goings-on from a downtown window

shawn and maggie (who is the coolest 15 year old I have ever met, ps. she sang backup on the last cat power album)

leftover halloween decor

t-day dinner


singing salmon

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Here is some important information regarding Chuck Norris that I was sent via e-mail.

- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

- When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

- Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

- Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

- Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck taketh away.

- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

- There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

- Chuck Norris doesn't actually have a beard. What we perceive as a sexy and rugged man-beard is actually just Chuck Norris' skin. Legend has it that if Chuck Norris actually grew a beard, every woman in the world would simultaneously orgasm, thus destroying the Earth. Chuck Norris isn't sure if that's true, but he thinks we're better safe than sorry.

- The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesomeness for a single show, however, so it was divided.

- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Things I have searched for in the last few months on either google or google image search

after midnight gerber
anais nin
antique mexican doll
bad headshots
baskin robbins clown cone
bat dance
bee cat
being john malkovich puppet
blue danube
bosom buddies theme
camera obscura
car makes start with s
carvel whale
cat bee
chicken pandemic
choose your own adventure
chronic town
clockwork band
curious george the movie
day in the extra life
dean kitten
depressing office
dismantle a train and eat it
family matters
freddy vs. jason
fruit fly
genomic revolution
gold wallpaper
gunnar nelson
highlights for kids
html colors 2222222
instruction manuals
jacques cousteau
jarvis cocker
je suis france
king koil
kitten war
klaus nomi
legal copy
lionel ritchie
logan's run
mario seahorse
marty mcfly
matthew nelson
miami mini golf
opposite of sub
party cake
pass the dutchie
pharmaceutical side effects
phases of mitosis
planes on a snake
roadrunner las vegas
roxy music
rumsfeld wordsmith
sandwich face
seagull 3
sisters nbc
sleep number
super snake
tax title subject to approval
tribeca grand cross street
underexploited music genres
view to a kill
warhol walken
what would you do baby without us
wood paneling
wooly bully

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I am watching Fresh Prince and Will just described an auxillary character on this particular episode as "that dude who picked me up and spun me around in the opening credits".
It was probably the most postmodern thing I have heard all day.

Last night I dreamed about midwest scientologist celebrities, rehab sunday school and tunneling through antique repair shops and overgrown topiary. I was leaving town when I woke up, upset by the overcast nothing of all roads leading out of town and an impending plague of undersaturation. Death by redundency and sentimentality, it's a slow choke either way.
In real life where I still squint under the darkest lenses, I do things like follow a jog with a cigarette, pair a glam rock movie with a grilled shrimp burrito and spend the better portion of the evening at anthropologie trying to decide whether sweater a or sweater b is my new favorite sweater.
Seattle in four days, four long long days.

Thursday, November 17, 2005


Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I just saw Madonna's new video and here is what I thought- first and for some reason it reminded me of this Magnetic Fields b-side called "Rats in the Garbage Of The Western World", I think it was the similar minor key and pacing, and second I really want a jambox that lights up. Somebody buy me a jambox that lights up so I can breakdance to save the community center! There are crack babies at risk!

But no seriously look what I found, some raisins dressed up like the carbonas:

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

LJ Haiku Meme as transferred to blog:

beautiful things in it like someone said looking at your tv static/ and now my head is in a very weird past place that's not here at all/ today i learned about my physical shape due to a killface/ growing out of my arms right now i have seen these toys and so forth i/ big bang i want to live on a dead guy today i want to find the/what i learned that the more money you have the more money you have/you detatched and unable to cry i have not cried in months i/fish are up to last week it stormed today is boring and nothing

Sunday, November 13, 2005

I entered one of my five hundred pictures of Ratt in Kitten Wars Dot Com. Which is only the best website ever.
I think she is going to dominate.

Vote for this one when the opportunity presents itself:

Saturday, November 12, 2005

I want to live on Frank Sinatra Drive because I want to live on a DEAD GUY.
Today I found the best Salvation Army yet in the oldest part of town unfortunately I found it directly behind two hipster chicks, they were leaving and I gave them the not-with-those-shoes-bitches look. I think that in February or maybe as soon as January that Jenn Mears and Nini are going to come visit me, which is a nice suprise-in-the-making. Dashes-are-the-punctuation-sign-of-the-day.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I want baskin robbins clown cones growing out of my arms right now, last night I watched nova the origins of life and there were the most beautiful things in it like someone said "looking at your tv static you can see the birthpains of the universe" but she was really just talking about micro-waves.
I like that we are all made of stardust and we all go back to stardust, go back to exploding all over the periodic table and something about seeing the face of god in a map of the big bang.

I want to marry an astrophysicist. Right now I have to go wait in line at the post office. For lunch

Monday, November 07, 2005

Both Modest Mouse and Built to Spill have songs concerning the center of the universe, MM's being "Dark Center of the Universe" and Built to Spill's simply "Center of the Universe". If these songs were placed in an indie rock cage battle which one would win?

CLUE: According to BTS, at the center of the universe is whoever he is singing to, and according to MM it is whatever Issac Brock is yelling about unintelligibly, though one assumes it is dark. Personally I still believe the center of the universe is comprised of delicious nougat.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Last night I went to look at some west coast customs in the hard rock parking lot and carried my girly drink around the hard rock parking lot and felt girly because I didn't know what car was what and how the hell these people closed their trunks with all that dvd mess in it and are speakers that big really necessary?
Then I went across the steet to rainbow and inadvertantly saw korn, and then left when I realized I was inadvertantly seeing korn. So explained all the pseudo-goth seventeen year olds, I guess. Today I went to the Salvation Army and bought some livin' in the 70's wall art and now I am sitting here waiting for Sara to call back so I can plan my Thanksgiving trip to Seattle. Set the jetset, set of jetsetters.
Tomorrow I think I am going hiking at red rock. (which should be wonderful after what I learned about my physical shape due to a certain nob hill incident last weekend.) I don't know what's what tonight.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

What the fish are up to.

Last week it stormed.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Meeting you, with a view to a kill
Face to face in secret places, feel the chill.
Night fall covers me, but you know the plans I’m making,
Still oversea, could it be the whole world opening wide
A sacred why? a mystery gaping inside
The weekends why?
Until we dance into the fire
That fatal kiss is all we need
Dance into the fire,
To fatal sounds of broken dreams
Dance into the fire,
That fatal kiss is all we need
Dance into the fire.....
Choice for you, is the view to a kill
Between the shades, assination standing still.
The first crystal tears, fall as snowflakes on your body
First time in years, to drench you skin with lovers’ rosy stain
A chance to find the phoenix for the flame,
A chance to die..
But can we dance into the fire
That fatal kiss is all we need
Dance into the fire
To fatal sounds of broken dreams
Dance into the fire
That fatal kiss is all we need
Dance into the fire
When all we see.. is the view to a kill

Nobody is really on ichat and it's grey outside and if a box is sent from Atlanta to Las Vegas shouldn't it get there within a week and a half? I am trying to figure out online whether the ballet studio I found a block from my office offers adult classes. I am trying to do this online. It's not working. Today is funked, in a funk or something like that. I made another i-move:

Another i-movie.