A robot walks into a bar / orders a drink / lays down a bill / The bartender says, hey we don't serve robots / and the robot says, oh but someday you will

PERIOD PIECE OR DADAIST TRAIN WRECK?

I hate (or love) when people proudly declare: "you'll either love me or hate me, there's no in-between". Because, you see, I'm more than perfectly capable of being indifferent to you.

HOW TO MAKE MOVIES BETTER

Zach Braff needs to be on fire, more often.

ALSO

I've watched so many British movies lately, the voices in my drunken little head have upper crust accents. "Is she British or just affected?"

Last night! Man! I went to see Fleetwood Mac at the MGM Grand Garden Arena, and ended up SORT OF TOTALLY HOOKED UP aka in the front row for the last part of the show. Which was awesome, because Stevie Nicks is one of my favorite women (of famous sort). I never expected to be, like, ten feet from her. And also, because they still sound pretty great. Here are a few pictures:









Here's a bonus something awesome. I totally wanted to do a similar dance during "Stand Back", but I didn't have enough room:


Watch Stevie Nicks - Stand Back in Rock  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

I'm going to refrain from any further Stevie Nicks picspam, as I am like five seconds from oil painting wolves onto tambourines. Also, there is a Golden Girls marathon on, which I need to get back to. It is imperative. For life.

"bono photoshopped into various things" is now "tiny bonos". and also, it's a tumblr:

http://tinybono.tumblr.com/

please update all links accordingly

I want to trade my car in for a bicycle. I want to trade my city in for a city. I bought a ticket to go to Barcelona for a week in July. It's all the vacation time I could possibly take. My life is ruled by the almightly twelve hour work day. I'm trying to make up for it with chambray skirts and one-person cholera epidemics, with too much music and not enough clarity. I just wanna say something that's true.

Here's something you can actually purchase, with money, at urban outfitters:

Here are some other things that were on my desktop and are now uploaded to photobucket, which is not a real bucket:








someday I will actually attain my 100% realistic goal of being kristin scott thomas-in-the-english patient. until then i'll be here, dying in a cave.

EPIC CONVERSATIONS, PART 3: OREGON TRAIL EDITION

"its the oregon trail wagon on fire"

"sweeeeeet
that game rocked my socks. i loved hunting. that shit was hard. it made me feel like i was n the trail and delirious from hunger."

"did you play the version where you had to type out POW to hunt"

"i must have, yeah"

"BANG POW
SHOOT
GRENADE LAUNCH"

"it has a batman the tv show feel to it. BLAMMO! ZOWEE!
without the cool horn sound effects of course"

"TREBUCHET!
(the font)"

"GLISSANDO!
DENOUEMENT
DEUS EX MACHINA"

"typing DEUS EX MACHINA rapidly, and in-succession does nothing for your chances of survival on the Oregon Trail"

"i disagree.
the hand of god sweeps downward, saving your party from utter decimation by plucking you into the sky, allowing you to bypass the rocky mountain range"

"so it's kind of like that part in Super Mario Brothers where if you jump on the stairs with the turtle shell enough times you get infinite lives"

"thats exactly like it. and oddly enough this is how our forefathers made it.
lewis to clark: 'man no ones gonna believe us about the magic turtle'."

EPIC CONVERSATIONS, PART 2

"so you think just call it Moustache Robot then"

"either way"

"moustache robot is DEFINITELY a moustache that is a robot - no question"

"yeah, it might be funnier if it's not clear"

"well robot moustache to me is no question a robot's moustache
oh
no
wait
you're right
it could be A robot moustache"

"yeah, robot being the adjective describing the nature of the mustache"

Hi! Everyone seems to want some new music lately, so I made another mix tape.

It doesn't actually contain very much new music.

Download Here

Richard Swift - The Atlantic Ocean
Three 6 Mafia - Late Night (Unstoppable Mix)
Enya - Orinoco Flow
Gilberto Gil - O Canto Da Ema
Beck - Paper Tiger
Robert Wyatt - Biko
Still Flyin - Good Thing It's A Ghost Town Around Here
Sonic Youth - Sacred Trickster
Alain Goraguer - La Longue Marche/Valse Des Statues (from "Fantastic Planet")
Lil' Wayne - Yes
Esau Mwamwaya & Radioclit - Wena
Men - Off Our Backs
Missy Elliot - For My People (Basement Jaxx mix)
Pop Levi - Dita Dimone
Bat for Lashes - Daniel
Glenn Gould - Aria da Capo (from Goldberg Variations)
Dogs Die in Hot Cars - Pop Nonsense

yep.

I'm contemplating popping some prescription lenses in these new frames, and I trimmed up my hair. I posted this everywhere else so I may as well here, too.



Oh, I'm tired of looking at my own face. It's 7pm on a Friday night, and I'm leaning towards not going out due to a combination of gloomy weather, hating first friday, and really wanting to watch either Grey Gardens or Malice. Also, did I mention? I've given up on this city. Other things that my apartment has going for it is tasty coconut rum and tuna salad, and that I can't stop looking at Weardrobe. I wish their regulars included at least one girl who is over a sized 2. (I'd like to be inspired by someone who is a size 8, therefore knowing the combo would work on my size 8 i-like-sandwiches frame.)

And I'm trying to find a cheap flight to London or Paris. And I'm trying to learn some conversational French. The former proving more difficult.

And. AND. I might cut out a new dress pattern. Dare I attempt to wrangle thin jersey fabric? DO I DARE? All on a Friday night, my friend. All on a Friday night.


hey, remember what it was like before nicole kidman dyed her hair into white oblivion?

THE DHARMA INITIATIVE



CONSISTENTLY UNABLE TO FOLLOW SIMPLE DIRECTIONS

Picture pages! Picture pages!


A shirt I made (and look maniacally happy about). The belt is from Kohls! Six dollars!


My James Spader 80's woven leisure shoes.


Easter 'round these parts. (The magazine is mom's, I don't read Redbook. Except for that one; I can now answer any and all Kate Walsh / cancer myths / clutter resolution trivia. BRING IT ON.)


They opened a Serendipity3 in Vegas. And you thought the one in NYC was touristy!


"Uh, yeah I'm staying right behind Marie's left nostril."


My sewing box, filled with thread from the 80's.


If I decide to make another bowl of this later it will be the highlight of my day. For realz.

IT'S OVER

Well, that was bad, but it was still better than The Bucket List.

So, I'm going to record my thoughts as I watch the movie Twilight, live, from my living room.

Well, I should probably log in before the movie starts, lest I miss any opening monologue-action. Shit, this movie is two hours long? Two hours and two minutes. Ideal movie length for me is around an hour and a half, if not shorter. I might have to pause this to make a sandwich or run around the block or something.

6:26 pm: this chick sounds perma-stoned. I can't understand half of what she's saying.

(oh, you thought i was gonna use actual liveblogging software? hahahah WRONG)

6:30: well, the soundtrack sounds promising, at least.

6:36: no one has any pigment in this movie, although that could just be the film.

6:37: nope, it's the pigment.

6:44: the acting in this movie is STELLAR. everyone seems like they are in pain.

6:45: I can't believe they didn't reverse-shot to inside the microscope so we can confirm that it is, indeed, anaphase.

6:47: oh good, they won the golden onion from Monk, the science teacher. i was on the edge of my seat-couch about that.

6:49: I've known dudes who stop mid-sentence and walk away who are NOT vampires. so there, TWILIGHT.

6:53: OH MY GOD THAT'S THE CREEPIEST LOOKING FAKE DOCTOR I HAVE EVER SEEN. Move out of the way, Christina Yang.

6:55: This movie looks like what happens when you turn up the cyan levels in the "selective color" photoshop options.

6:56: Seriously, did they just stab all these actors and then shove them into the scene? This is like the movie version of listening to Conor Oberst.

6:58: that apple trick was pretty cool, I'd date an emo vampire just for the apple trick.

7:00: "you caught that, huh". yeah, it was said out loud. like three seconds ago.

7:03: HOT GOOGLING ACTION

7:04: uh oh, small harbor town street toughs

7:12: "whoa. what is going on." TRY. HARDER.

7:17: haha, I like how every vampire descriptor is in a different old-timey font.

7:18: there's a lot of slow-mo going on here. I'm starting to see why it's two hours long.

7:18 (again): this monologue in the woods sounds like high school drama class. i guess that's the point, sort of.

7:21: glittery vampires! isn't that some sort of gothic lolita cosplay subset? it is, now.

7:25: I'm retracting what I said earlier, about the soundtrack.

7:27: ok, edward is kind of hot. but super annoying.

7:32: I like the random bursts of speed, for no real reason. Walk around the car SUPER FAST.

7:43: I'm taking a sandwich and salad break. Salmon sandwich = delicious.

7:51: so there are "eviler" vampires? from a british rave? in 1996? that "james" guy looks really familiar, can't place him. to the imdb! oh, ok he was on the o.c., also playing an evil rave vampire.

8:05: wow, that was quite the hunt. found her in all of five minutes, did you? IS THIS OVER YET

8:08: it's like the matrix fight, but with more hot topic. ok, with about the same amount of hot topic.

8:12: seems like it's almost over...do I dare hope

8:16: prom! it's going to be like "she's all that". yes!

8:22: whoa, the Radiohead is random. And welcome. ITS OVER

Oh hey, it's that same music director in charge of Grey's Anatomy and Gossip Girl and all that. Figures.