Oh and one more thing: any band that names an album "De-Loused in the Comatorium" needs a swift kick in the hiney.

Last night I had a dream that V+ somehow had an alien baby implanted in his head. Twinkletoes was there too, but I can't remember in what capacity. It seems funny now, but in my dream it was a very, very dire situation.
I guess I was asleep, then.
Funny, I don't normally dream in sci-fi.

On a side note, Johnny Rocket's has the best malts and veggie burger. Which is a good thing, because this meal has to last all weekend.

I like big bowls of cereal.
I have not been sleeping well.
I probably won't sleep more than six hours this weekend.
It's hard to tell whether I've been asleep sometimes, it's all perpetual fog.
I also like wearing high heels, and soy chai lattes. Those are good too, especially with a big bowl of cereal.
High heels and short skirts are good for chainsmoking in dj booths the world over.
I like New Order, especially "Temptation."
That is all.

I know you're wondering, well, what exactly happened last weekend.

In-Progress:

A C&C Music Factory cover band called "Things That Make You Go Is That A C&C Music Factory Cover Band?"

An elevator disaster movie using an elevator that only goes 2 or 3 floors.


My friend Jennifer is spinning at MJQ tonight, so get yr scene on. I'll let you guess which one is Jennifer.

Sometimes it's all dusty wax doll smile when we enjoy keeping the gloss over their eyes. Play lover/play mother and never recognize anyone on a neutral morning. Play smash forever into the days, forever is into night.
We're not killing time- we're forcing it into slow suicide.

I hate how when you eat half of a banana, or maybe slice up half a banana for use in your Honey Nut Cheerios, the other half is un-saveable. Because it gets all brown and mushy within five minutes. Stupid fucking bananas. They can all go to hell.

After a rousing game of basketball, my friends and I like to shoot up and then vomit for eight hours.

State of the Blogland Address:

V+ made a Je Suis France video that is the best France video yet, but I can't seem to get the link on his webpage to work anymore.

The Melting Dolls page seems to be missing. I've alerted authorities and an amber alert is underway.

Twinkletoes is still rocking and rolling with his weekly analysis of the hit drama "The O.C."

Scarnsworth has not only fixed his comments and added links, the oceanchum blog now gives you the opportunity to sign up to win a date with Tad Hamilton.

"Well, Dick Cheney is still insane." -YMSP82

Red Duct Tape's blog is developing a Midwestern accent.

Captain Scurvy is working on his 6th plate of mashed potatoes and doesn't seem to be anywhere near stopping. That bear sure has some tough competition this year.

And Sticky Fluffy remains the undisputed "Dance Dance Revolution!" champion. He entered his high score under the initials "ASS."

Thank You and Goodnight.

Dehumidifier

I bet sometimes posters wished they were octagonal but they have no method of communicating this to us. Because no one would buy a poster that says "I have a secret desire to have four more sides." Over and over they scream "you don't have to be crazy to work here but it sure helps," when all they want to do is grab you by the shoulders and shake you and cry out to whoever will listen "you have no idea what it's like to have thousands of voices screaming at you from inside a frame! I work here! And I am crazy! And all I ask for is four more sides!"
But alas Sears portrait studio cannot help you, due to a severe shortage of psychiatrists working in the customer service department.
Do they taunt you, the stopsigns? Are you really a street sign in disguise?
When you see the pictures of happy smiling and often golfing and/or graduating families do you just want to burn down their sailboat?

But what you fail to realize is that if the camera were to pan slightly to the left, one would realize that the stock photo family is being held in thrall by cattle-prod wielding photographers. Of evil.

It could always be worse. You could suffer the fate of Magic Eye posters, once stared down but now cast aside. Even those depicting, after doing some magic eye wizadry, a really bitchin corvette. With a screaming chicken.

Or you could be a stopsign.

Always wanting nothing more

than to be a stoplight.

And to stop getting shot at by the neighbor's kids.

I think if I have a rediculosly large number of children at once I will name them:

Tavius
Bitavius
Tritavius
Quadtavius
Quintavius
Sextavius
Septavius
Octavius
That tiny creepy head growing from Octavius's arm that keeps demanding cheese.

I bet Sextavius would get taunted a lot. And you might think Bitavius too, but his name would just get mispronounced. The bite marks would never quite heal.

Kids can be so cruel, can't you Red Rover chain? Let's send the tiniest girl over to be clotheslined. Just wait until they taste "land mine kickball."

When is the money going to start rolling in?


And not rolling to the direct loans people?


"Everyone likes puppies. Even Hitler liked puppies."
-The Quotable Billows

They move like ghosts on worn-out video, quicker now look stop look away. Slow invisible film on film speed. Backlight your yellows and blacks, and I'll show me mine.

The first issue of my 'zeen (or "mag" or "aga" or "magaz" or "five xeroxed sheets of paper") is complete!
If you would like a copy send me your address and I'll send you one. It's free! Except you'll owe me one bitchin stamp.

The theme of "Camp Basement Issue #one" is corporate handbook.
It's a corporate handbook for Omnicom Conglomacore (or something like that).
You will be on the fast track to success!

If it sparks your interest maybe you might want to write for issue number two, theme to be decided later.
Just let me know.

Someday, like McSweeneys, I will be able to reject people in the grandest of fashions.

Here is a conversation I had earlier with agentcrusher:

kmartcashier13: are you actually there?
kmartcashier13: guess not...it be late...where your blog at?
kmartcashier13: oh wait you're not there to answer.
kmartcashier13: sometimes I forget things...
kmartcashier13: this conversation is riveting! I'm totally going to blog it.

And so it was. And so it shall be.
(picture of majestic unicorn)

Remember when Dee-Lite was popular?

Remember "I love your smile?"

Remember back when the Smiths convention was in town?
(ok I ripped that one off)

Remember back when that guy from The Black Crowes briefly joined R.E.M.?

Hey, remember the early 90's?

No? Ok, I guess that's for the best. Not one of our shiniest happiest shiniest moments.

I think "Quentin Tarantino Theater" is going to be a weekly Thursday event.
I'd like some other regular weekly feature, like maybe "stupid car of the week?"
(having already made fun of Nissan Titan in my own special way).

Any suggestions?

I'm working again this weekend.

Which sucks, because I really wanted to see "Equity Element" and "DJ Arpu" down at the Echo.

Words/phrases used during the two hour quarterly state-of-the-business address I just got out of:
-ARPU
-churn
-grossadds
-equity element
-ebidta
-revenue
-gross revenue
-annual gross revenue
-throughput
-S&S
-push

Wolfman (of Wolfman and Donna, of gallery furniture) died.

LINK

I'm sorry but I must repost this from livejournal because it is so very very funny.

Kobe is at it again!



Here we see Kobe about to rape a small, helpless cloud.

(courtesy of Mark from two cubicles over.)