n'est pas

So, I'm going to record my thoughts as I watch the movie Twilight, live, from my living room.

Well, I should probably log in before the movie starts, lest I miss any opening monologue-action. Shit, this movie is two hours long? Two hours and two minutes. Ideal movie length for me is around an hour and a half, if not shorter. I might have to pause this to make a sandwich or run around the block or something.

6:26 pm: this chick sounds perma-stoned. I can't understand half of what she's saying.

(oh, you thought i was gonna use actual liveblogging software? hahahah WRONG)

6:30: well, the soundtrack sounds promising, at least.

6:36: no one has any pigment in this movie, although that could just be the film.

6:37: nope, it's the pigment.

6:44: the acting in this movie is STELLAR. everyone seems like they are in pain.

6:45: I can't believe they didn't reverse-shot to inside the microscope so we can confirm that it is, indeed, anaphase.

6:47: oh good, they won the golden onion from Monk, the science teacher. i was on the edge of my seat-couch about that.

6:49: I've known dudes who stop mid-sentence and walk away who are NOT vampires. so there, TWILIGHT.

6:53: OH MY GOD THAT'S THE CREEPIEST LOOKING FAKE DOCTOR I HAVE EVER SEEN. Move out of the way, Christina Yang.

6:55: This movie looks like what happens when you turn up the cyan levels in the "selective color" photoshop options.

6:56: Seriously, did they just stab all these actors and then shove them into the scene? This is like the movie version of listening to Conor Oberst.

6:58: that apple trick was pretty cool, I'd date an emo vampire just for the apple trick.

7:00: "you caught that, huh". yeah, it was said out loud. like three seconds ago.

7:03: HOT GOOGLING ACTION

7:04: uh oh, small harbor town street toughs

7:12: "whoa. what is going on." TRY. HARDER.

7:17: haha, I like how every vampire descriptor is in a different old-timey font.

7:18: there's a lot of slow-mo going on here. I'm starting to see why it's two hours long.

7:18 (again): this monologue in the woods sounds like high school drama class. i guess that's the point, sort of.

7:21: glittery vampires! isn't that some sort of gothic lolita cosplay subset? it is, now.

7:25: I'm retracting what I said earlier, about the soundtrack.

7:27: ok, edward is kind of hot. but super annoying.

7:32: I like the random bursts of speed, for no real reason. Walk around the car SUPER FAST.

7:43: I'm taking a sandwich and salad break. Salmon sandwich = delicious.

7:51: so there are "eviler" vampires? from a british rave? in 1996? that "james" guy looks really familiar, can't place him. to the imdb! oh, ok he was on the o.c., also playing an evil rave vampire.

8:05: wow, that was quite the hunt. found her in all of five minutes, did you? IS THIS OVER YET

8:08: it's like the matrix fight, but with more hot topic. ok, with about the same amount of hot topic.

8:12: seems like it's almost over...do I dare hope

8:16: prom! it's going to be like "she's all that". yes!

8:22: whoa, the Radiohead is random. And welcome. ITS OVER

Oh hey, it's that same music director in charge of Grey's Anatomy and Gossip Girl and all that. Figures.