There are several stories partaining to the legend of Valentines Day, or St. Valentine's Day as they called it back in the day. One claims that St. Valentine was a priest during third century Rome. Emporer Claudius, being the warmongerer that he was, outlawed marriage for single men so that they could be his soldiers and perpetuate the growth of the already ridiculously huge Roman Empire. Valentine was all like "oh hell no" so he performed marriage in secret, and- much like pre-roe v. wade abortion doctors- was put to death for his actions. And was thus declared the love saint.
Another story is that St. Valentines was one of those people that helped the Christians escape the Romans, which has absolutely nothing to do with love so I don't see how that could possibly be true, and still a third contends that Valentine actually sent the first Valentine, thus propelling every Hallmark store on earth to crap red for all of January and half of February. And that is the story of Valentine's Day.
Personally I don't want any part of a holiday perpetuated by the same company that came up with this:
Happy Pseudoholidays!
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