from the people who brought you the bumper sticker "my other car is a pynchon novel":

does that make dawn the tommy ramone?

MUSIC-OFF, CITY EDITION

VS.



(let's all try to ignore "You're The Inspiration" ok)

God I still have a giant knot in my stomach from this weekend. But I did move. I did do that- finally have one of my very own generic one bedroom apartments. I haven't wanted to update recently, I still don't. So being that the clear winner of the last music-off was "Earth Wind And Fire" (bringing them into the quarterfinals):

I think it's time for round three.

This movie is probably going to be vaguely dissappointing a la "Anchorman", but this poster or whatever it is cracks me up:

THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY

Trailer Here

Because I know you all loved "Drawing Restraint 1-8"...

Here is the trailer for Drawing Restraint 9.

I'm beginning to think that Matthew Barney doesn't know the first thing about counting.

Bjork's in it. That should bring the confused children flocking by the dozen to their local art house.

Last night Erin and I watched episodes 9-12 of Lost. I wonder at what point all the characters will start to annoy me because they certainly have that potential. It's good though. No, I mean it seems too smart for how popular it has become. I am feeling listless today, can you tell by the entry?

HAS ANNOYANCE POTENTIAL (most of which is located in her thin eyebrows)

THIS WEEK'S MUSIC-OFF:

Blood Sweat and Tears

vs.



Earth Wind and Fire

Different music, similar names OK GO.

The Black Lips, The Pics

I am now keeping an aqua teen threat level on the sidebar of this blog. So don't be scared be prepared! Thanks to big p for the idea...
I spent a good portion of yesterday watching "Long Way Round"- a six part series on Ewan McGregor and Charley whatshisname going around the globe on motorcycles- from london to new york through europe, the ukraine, slovakia, one of them "stan" countries, mongolia, up through siberia etc. It's really fantastic and I recommend it highly for rental through your local netflix.

ok guys

who would win in a music-off:

Crosby, Stills, Nash and/or Young

or



Steely Dan


p.s. don't pick CSN/Y just because you like Neil Young- his solo hits have no bearing upon this particular survey.

"Ginseng is, like, the poor man's crack."
"I think crack is actually the poor man's crack."

I suddenly have this urge to dance to "True Faith". Is it Wednesday? It must be Wednesday. New Order Wednesday, which is actually nothing like Fugazi Friday despite anything you may have heard to the contrary. So the week goes like this:
New Order Wednesday
Razorblade Thursday (or was that wednesday too?)
Fugazi Friday
Something Saturday and Sunday
Monday
Tuesday. Tuesday doesn't have a feel.

Other bands on rotation this morning include Tapes N' Tapes, Spacemen 3, The Eternals (old and newish) and Coconut Monkeyrocket. I need to stage a turntable takeover from the friday night beauty bar dj who only plays downtempo arcade fire gothcore. Right now I have to focus on the chocolate.

The Natalie Portman SNL rap was not that funny. I mean it was trying damn hard to be funny HEY LOOK HOW FUNNY THIS IS NATALIE PORTMAN OUT OF CHARACTER but it's not so why do people keep talking about it. Shut up.

QUIZ

His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular.

Is it:
a) Idi Amin's offical title as president of Uganda

b) A Sufjan Stevens song

I have one sad little airport bar which makes doing things like ichatting with kristin who is in korea (south) difficult. She is living in the future so I am sure that the communication breakdown also has something to do with the space time continuum and maybe kim jong il.
I have never watched so much mtv2/vh1 in my life as today, I feel flattened against my bed maybe I accidently smoked pot, maybe I took some ambien and smoked pot without realizing it. Oh hell it's already dark outside. I should shower.

Hey guys I made up a 24 drinking game- all you have to do is drink every time someone says the word "syntox".





These posts are getting worse and worse I think I inadvertantly disabled the fun.

BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN EVERYWHERE

I went to the same high school as Bubba Sparxx y'allz, can you tell.

check it out, I can make coffee cups hover some inches off the table.

Here are way too many pictures from that Palms shoot a few weeks ago.

Last night at the Beauty Bar we met some hot guys who were of course not from Vegas, they were from Seattle- land where all hot guys live. One of them looked like Daniel Vosovic and Erin kept calling him that. We played balloon volleyball. We danced to "Rock Lobster". I told one of them that the only music I listened to was klaus nomi. One dude kept wearing a hat. I am not good at flirting, it would seem.
Oh I did some research and it turns out it was this band:

in this picture they are wearing jeans and have haircuts.

New design, sort of.

I just found out I am having a photo published in a magazine called "Look Look". Here is the website, because none of you have ever heard of it.

It won't be for awhile I am guessing.

p.s. it's this picture:

hahahahahaha

The only thing I really loved in any of the final collections was the "13th" dress that Dan made, the really short cashmere thing:



(really short cashmere thing)

Last night I drank a lot of pink wine and also discovered that everyone named Dan looks somewhat alike. I ain't watching no top chef if that's what you're getting at, Bravo television.

Today I got a shirt with this printed on it in the mail:
Today, in the mail, I got a shirt with this printed on it:
In the mail today came a shirt with this printed on it. The shirt was for me, and this was printed on it:

It's the communist party, get it?

I am definitely moving out of my house. I can't take the hammering and yelling at one am, the incessant pot smoke which smells like rotting spinach also, and the tons of cats because let's face it cats are assholes sort of. And they shit indoors.
I think I want to move into a place with a round tub. Other than that I am flex.

Hey look an Elephant 6 Blog. Pull out your ironic t-shirts cause the mid 90's are back!

(masters of the hemisphere are seen here loving the 90's)

Sometimes I feel like I am writing for the same segment of the population that watches "Everyone Loves Raymond" and it gives me a mild headache right between my eyes.

I GOT YOUR MOTHERS DAY COLLATERAL RIGHT HERE



p.ess. everyone go check out CAT TOWN EPISODE ONE -it is the best thing on tv.

Young Adult Novels For Hipsters, An Idea Whose Time Has Arrived

ok ok one more but that's it for now:

Ok I went ahead and did a second in the series, mostly because you can't have a series of one:

I made a Young Adult Hipster Book Series cover:

I was gonna make more, but then I got kinda bored with it all.

More annoying people, as compiled from the comments here and in the ol livejournal-

People who have more than 20 items in the express lane at Wal-Mart.

People that do charity work and then never shut up about how they did charity work

Menswear salesmen that openly belittle you as a customer. YOU SELL SUITS!! THAT'S ONE STEP UP FROM SHOES!!!

Bands who say they are pushing the envelope and then have their tour sponsored by Nokia.

People who talk in "baby voice" all the time.

People who say "oh--he's harmless" when their pit bull is straining towards you at the end of his leash.

People who expect you to congratulate them effusively when you learn that they're/their partner is pregnant, when what you really want to says is "wow, Dave! Who would've thought that you produced sperm AND you were able to deposit it in the right place! Not many guys could do that, you know."

People who use their turn signal and then turn it off and then turn it on again but in the opposite direction and then after all is said and done turn in the original indicated direction.

People who work fast food in any big city.

Old ladies who do not thank me when i hold the door open for them.

People who are sitting at the back of the bus, then push through a crowd PAST the back door to exit at the front, thus forcing people outside to wait in -10 weather to wait to get on, who then turn and walk back in the direction of the rear door.

Michael Douglas

Today I intended to make a list of types of people who annoy me but instead I became very very busy and only made it to four:

-Dental hygenists who try to make conversation while shoving instruments and/or anaesthesia into your mouth.

-People who can barely afford to take care of themselves yet own more than one cat.

-Parents who consider the toy section at Salvation Army a form of daycare.

-People who never change the trash bag in their own garbage cans, instead choosing to leave trash on top of the already full pile of mess.

And whom do you find annoying? I'm writing a pamphlet!

What Hurricane Katrina didn't crush it flooded. Another thing it didn't crush was the spirit of the four thousand drunken frat boys who showed up for mardi gras oh my god shut up Fox Five News.

Only two deadly shootings this week. Oh and they found the identity of baby jane cordova who was left in the dumpster at cordova apartments. Which I just checked off the list of apartments to look at because my roommate(s) are thinking about getting a rabbit or a turtle and as hilarious as those backyard races may be, I don't want to live at a pseudo petting zoo.

I spent a good portion of last night at the Hardwood Suite in the Palms, shooting models and watching The Killers walk in and out of the recording studio, which happens to be right next door. And even though the studio is quite soundproof it did not stop me from, when put in charge of the ipod sound system at the Hardwood, playing the Bloc Party album as loud as my heart's content.

It was kind of slim pickins, being as it was not my ipod. Pictures later, but not of the killers.

Last night I dreamed that faceless tennis players were napping on an indoor court, I was frantically trying to wake a specific one of them up and then frantically trying to pay phone someone from behind the seats. Tennis situations are common dream-time motifs for me.
We are super busy at work these days. Tomorrow I am going to watch photographers shoot half naked models in the Erotic Suite at The Palms. This weekend I will either be working, at the grand canyon, or doing something else.

And a flying chicken leg...

Tiny bowling at the Silverton last Friday:

It's precedence day, so decide what's important to you and cut bait on everything else. So far I have bought a sandwich and taped a drawing of a flying chicken leg to the wall. I can't write at length about anything anymore.

"Does he fuck with his vocoder on?"
"Hahahahahaha no."

It's raining today in Vegas, I am working and also you don't really wear a vocoder so that's that.

Have I ever mentioned that I absolutely cannot stand the "soul patch".

And also I am going snowboarding on Sunday, a sport which most likely is ripe with soul patches. I am going to fall over, repeatedly.

It was the best thing last night to be on the elliptical trainer and watch the winter olympics at 24 hour fitness. It is so motivating you would not even believe, I think I am going to go back tonight. If I go at eight I can watch snowboarding. Maybe I will see some flying tomato. Tonight: PLANNED. God I miss being fun.
p.s. I am glad kara got kicked off project runway because she skewed hippie/boring.

This list of Late Night With Conan O'Brien characters is probably the funniest thing I have seen today. Highlights:

Cactus Chef playing Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire" on a flute
Chewbacca stuck in a glory hole
The Cobra of Despair (killed the Bluebird of Happiness)
Coked-Up Werewolf
The Evil Puppy, an evil puppy that sits on a throne of bones.
Hippie Fire Hydrant Riding a Bacon Skateboard
Misunderstood Teen in the Rain
Screeching Racoon with a Jetpack
Tabilus, the mythical half-man half-table.
They Might be Slipnuts (formerly known as Slipnuts)
Zorro's Cousin, Bore-o


I should start a feature called "funniest thing I have seen today". I will update it once a week, or completely at random.

There are lots of tiny sandstorms in Vegas today. The 40mph wind picks up the trash from one vacant lot and deposits it in another vacant lot, this morning it sounded like someone was destroying the contents of my closet when it was really just the trees trying to get in through the windows. Last night I didn't leave work until eight thirty and proceeded to watch House and fall asleep where I further proceeded to have a dream where I was sleeping with that dude from House and then I woke up with mild abdominal pains and was absolutely certain I was dying for about three minutes until I turned on CNN. And then realized that it's not me, it's the rest of world with all their cartoons and unneccesary trailer parks and problems, problems. This planet is one whiny son of a bitch, I tell you what.

There are several stories partaining to the legend of Valentines Day, or St. Valentine's Day as they called it back in the day. One claims that St. Valentine was a priest during third century Rome. Emporer Claudius, being the warmongerer that he was, outlawed marriage for single men so that they could be his soldiers and perpetuate the growth of the already ridiculously huge Roman Empire. Valentine was all like "oh hell no" so he performed marriage in secret, and- much like pre-roe v. wade abortion doctors- was put to death for his actions. And was thus declared the love saint.
Another story is that St. Valentines was one of those people that helped the Christians escape the Romans, which has absolutely nothing to do with love so I don't see how that could possibly be true, and still a third contends that Valentine actually sent the first Valentine, thus propelling every Hallmark store on earth to crap red for all of January and half of February. And that is the story of Valentine's Day.

Personally I don't want any part of a holiday perpetuated by the same company that came up with this:

Happy Pseudoholidays!

You will all be absolutely thrilled to know that after 26 years I still do not have a single cavity. I do, however, have bunk gums so they had to essentially pressure clean them this morning, leaving the entire right side of my mouth numb and me unable to eat little more than soup. I keep telling everyone that I had a tiny stroke.

Left side is scheduled for the 27th, its a one side at a time kind of deal.

I made another hat:

and then I gave it to my art director.

Anyone else think Smokey Robinson is starting to look a little like an oompa-loompa?