BB friday night usual nonsense, completely wasted (dude, wasted. dude.) plus I left my wallet there only to find it the next day after having canceled all my credit cards. All I did for the rest of the weekend was nurse a hangover while watching tv on dvd. It infected my dreams. Here are some pictures:

this guy had an ascot and a vanity cane. next week i shall one-up him with a vanity rascal and respirator.


i don't know any of the people in this picture.

oh and here is the cake I made erin last weekend for her b-day:

Beautiful day, sunny and in the 80's, only a mild fire advisory (don't start one because it will spread like, um, wildfire) and only one deadly-car-crash-due-to-street-racing-where-the-car-jumps-the-median-slams-into-a-cop-undercover-as-a-taxi-driver-splitting-the-car-into-and-each-half-ends-up-on-a-different-side-of-the-street, meaning only one street closing.

I should go to Butch Walker tonight and pretend that I care, like and and I did that one time outside of el myr, but I don't think I want to pay for all that. Maybe I will go to the "official afterparty" at the Beauty Bar. (Don't be fooled by other afterparties my friends.)

my new workout plan

I am going to fill my ipod shuffle with Tom Petty's "Running down a dream" so that next time I am on a treadmill I will be set. Because I pretty much run in place every time that song comes on. Maybe I will alternate that song and "Chariots of Fire", even though I have doubts about my ability to actually run in slow-motion.

I know it's only Thursday, but here is what I plan on doing this weekend between being hungover and probably working some too:



And you know what, I don't care how stupid-girly it is. Because ever since I went off birth control my female hormones have been in a tailspin and manifesting itself in this being my new favorite show ever. As I said, tv on dvd is god's greatest gift to sundays. Well, that and thai food and pudding cups.

Hey everyone let's make ourselves into Simpsons characters! Click here to do that.

Every time a character in a movie works at an advertising agency there is always some big campaign pitch that they are involved in, and they are always involved in it no matter what department they work in. Anyways, they always come up with one great big idea and either THAT'S IT THEY SOLVED IT or it fails miserably. Either way they are only expected to come up with one idea. Those people are so lucky. FUCK YOU FICTIONAL CHARACTERS it's actually more like eight.

It's possible that I am only attracted to guys who are already in relationships on some kind of unconcious level. That being said, here is a completely unrelated blog entry:
Earlier I watched Federer defeat Roddick for the US Open title, he is probably the best tennis player in the history of tennis. If not now, in a few titles. He is un-stop-a-ble, like Jal's stopsign-shaped picture frame. Which never did make much sense. (I don't have anything insightful to say about tennis.) During the trophy ceremony Banjo was running around the chairs, under the coffee table and doing wild sprints back and forth across the designated dining portion of our living room. He has had a taste of relative sweet freedom.
I already went running today but I kind of want to go back to the gym. I would like to lose ten pounds immediately please. Oh cool a new Simpsons. This entry is being brought to you in real time. I am going to go get some limeaide. I got some limeaide, awesome.
I just saw a commercial advising me to "find out how meth affects you".

Banjo! The pictures!







and here's some cage flare (protector sea creature):

So there's a group of religious zealots holed up in a church in North Las Vegas because they are convinced that the apocalypse is coming. Like, today. Or tomorrow. Or at some point in the near future, because they say they aren't leaving until it comes. It's kind of awesome because one of the weathermen this morning predicted "dark skies, pestilence and locusts- haha no I'm kidding it's only the dark skies part". Apparently no one will ask them to leave their church bunker but they do run the risk of ridicule on channel 13 action news. (Who won't provide an online link for me to include in this entry.)

The apocalypse kind of looks like it's going to rock, especially if you are really into the ren faire or magic the gathering.

Last night at Quarks, the star trek theme bar:

Bartender: Is that watch in binary code? That's really dorky.
Erin: Seriously? Because you're a bartender at a star trek bar.

Guinea Pig Names, the short list:

Jim Dandy
The Professor
CK Dexter Haven
Nectarine
Commodore
John MacEnroe
Banjo
The Falconer
Flip Spiceland
Starcrunch
Senator
Batman
Sandy Duncan
Mexicali Grill

If you guys have any other suggestions, let me know.

FALL FALL FALL HEY GUYS ITS FALL ok not officially but it is September which- in my head anyways- is the beginning of fall. Even though it's still 100 degrees outside, it's freakin' fall, which is by far my favorite season. And to usher it in, I have thrown together a FALL MIX CD, which I will post here as a giant zip file ready for you to download.

FALL MIX O'SIX

Tracklist, though again I don't know what order it will upload in:

1. Starlite Mints- Pumpkin
2. The Flaming Lips- My Cosmic Autumn Rebellion
3. Snoozer- Labor Day. I have no idea who this band is- I downloaded this song from a site that sells clothing.
4. Tom Vek- Summer Fall
5. David Bowie- Chilly Down. It's the song from Labyrinth that everyone forgets about, but is so much fun.
6. Britta Phillips and Dean Wareham- Indian Summer. Not the best song from the album, but the only one remotely related to fall.
7. The Decemberits- The Sporting Life. The Decemberists just seem like a fall kind of band to me.
8. Hank Williams, Jr.- Are You Ready For Some Football (ABC's Monday Night Football Theme). Well, are you?
9. The White Stripes- Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground. I know you all have this song already. This is the super duper fall version. It's exactly the same.
10. Unwound- October All Over
11. Beck- Atmospheric Conditions
12. R.E.M.- Carnival of Sorts (Box Cars). Another fall band.
13. Of Montreal- October is Eternal
14. The Fat Boys- Are You Ready For Freddy? If you're not ready for football, at least be ready for Freddy. Find out how at www.ready.gov- oh, and Freddy raps in this song.
15. The Beetlejuice Soundtrack- Jump In The Line.
16. Wyclef Jean- Gone Til November. Aah, pre-Shakira Wyclef.
17. Telex- Sigmund Freud's Party. I have no idea why I threw this one in. There is tap-dancing in it.
18. Guns N' Roses- November Rain. All nine minutes.
19. Morrissey- November Spawned a Monster
20. Klaus Nomi- After the Fall. Which I don't think is actually about fall.


whats up, fall

Last night: The Secret Machines blinded me at the Palms Pool. Srsly guys, let's keep the lighting on the band and not shoot it out into the spectators' eyes. The weather was nice, the drinks were overpriced, the fashion show was a complete joke. All the pretty people were from LA. On the way home I saw one of my favorite muscle cars ever, the IROC:

All that shit needs is a screaming chicken and it would rock so hard, it would change the physical property of things around it.

I am really really sick of seeing those commercials for companies that in some fashion or another, helped out during Hurricane Katrina. Hey, hey look. Look at all these people we helped, we are a caring company buy our product. Especially insurance companies. Oh really State Farm? You gave people insurance checks to people who had flood insurance after their house flooded? That's not benevolent THATS YOUR FUCKING JOB.
I should go into publishing. But then I wouldn't get to be wacky.

I am thinking about getting a guinea pig, but all my plants are dead. So it worries me.

Here is a picture of a guinea pig:

I would have to name that one "the donald".

I'm waiting for the soy chicken to cool in the fridge, it's halfway through the fake chicken salad process. Everything is a process, everything is such a fucking process. My arms feel like spaghetti from weights at the gym, though I wonder if this strength training is even getting me anywhere- a future in discus and/or anvil hurling is looking rather grim. At this point, anyways. Last night I forwent the Killers afterparty (after what? after a show I didn't attend, either) in favor of not paying ten dollars to watch a Killer fumble awkwardly about a turntable or two. In favor of not seeing that bald go go dancing dude suddenly occupy an impressive amount of dancefloor. Instead I made a Pimms cup with fresh limeade, I made two actually. I'm going to start on Swann's Way soon. Tonight is the Japanther show. The sun is setting earlier, I wonder if anyone even notices.
There are rumors that next week the temperatures will drop back into the double digits

Young Jeezasaurus

"Pluto made the front cover of the las vegas paper- it has a giant 'just say no' sign around it. They also described pluto as the 'pipsqueak planet'"
"Everyone's favorite is saturn."
"Well it's the only one you can draw with a pencil and everyone knows exactly which planet it is."
"A producer i work with was like, 'my favorite is neptune. who likes neptune? no one! there's saturn of course. and uranus because it's big. what's neptune? it's not red, it's nothin!'"
"Neptune is blue and mysterious. I like to think of it as pluto's older brother."
"Ooh good way to think of it. I wish there was a planet named Young Jeezy."
"Too bad they don't let you name planets."
"Who do i have to blow to get a planet or a dinosaur named young jeezy around here??"

Did you know that there is no lottery in Nevada? I'll let you think about that one for a second.

I am currently downloading/listening to "Another Green World". The desire to do this came on suddenly and with no real explanation, because I rarely sit and listen to an entire album- it's always shuffle round these parts. You can hear eno building that ill-concieved bridge into ambient, ill-concieved to me anyways- taking tiger mountain is one of my favorite albums of all time. All thyme.
Has everyone taken a shot at my movie quote meme? It took me like an hour this morning to throw it all together, luckily I have less than zero work on my plate right now so that's ok. Still. Everyone should take a shot at it because remembering things is important in the development of the brain, the broab. Now I am just making shit up.
I can't believe Pluto is not a planet anymore. My Very Excited Mother Just Served Us Nine

Nine what. Nothing, that pneumonic device is done for.

I did this movie quote meme primarily for livejournal- I get more audience participation over there, but hell I may as well give you guys a shot too.
GUESS THE MOVIE THAT EACH QUOTE COMES FROM AND WIN AN IMAGINARY PRIZE. Guess it in the comments, you guys- not just aloud to yourself.

1. There you go, hiding behind a smokescreen of bourgeois cliches.

2. Eileen Harriet Palglace will have final say on every known subject, including who should be put to death, what clothes everyone should wear, what movies suck, and whether bald men who grow ponytails should still get laid.

3. Oh no, Dad. It's completely baked.

4. "Were they done for your mother's benefit?" "No, no I wouldn't say 'benefit'."

5. And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mt. Vesuvius.

6. What characters? There's a bunch of little kids dressed up in animal costumes.

7. I'm not my dear, you can fuck my dear.

8. I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else.

9. And you can always take off the skirt and use it as a cape.

10. I'm sorry, but I thought I better hit you before he did. He's in better shape than I am.

11. How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can opener works!

12. The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee.

13. I've seen The Exorcist about a hundred and sixty-seven times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it.

14. Jazz is the last refuge of the untalented. Jazz musicians enjoy themselves more than anyone listening to them does.

15. Failure is not an option. And Bethany? If you feel the need to vomit up there, just swallow it.

16. I'm standing where my, uh, living room was and it's not here because my house is gone and it's an Ultimart!

17. It's so stimulating being your hat.

18. Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines.

19. I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.

20. It's nice to live in a country where life, liberty... and all the rest of it still stand for something.

Look at my new bag I bought at Target:

Apparently it's only available at certain targets and is already going for like $100 on ebay. I bought it for $35 but if I had known it was worth so much I might have bought the other one too.

investments!

this patton oswalt cd is the funniest thing ever. i look like a gay wizard right now in my enchanted toadstool!

look around you...just look around you...

(this is probably the best thing I have seen on youtube in awhile)

MOVIE REVIEW

Oh man, did I just see Snakes on a Plane or what. I saw the hell out of that movie. I totally just did that.

Yesterday I all I ate were pudding cups. I ate two pudding cups. I fell into the pool, it felt nice, but I was so out of it and I thought maybe the other people at the pool could tell that I was out of it so I only stayed outside for about a half hour. I went back inside and almost finished a book. I watched northern exposure. It's a good show, I had forgotten that it was a good show. I hope it didn't get shitty at the end, like Frasier or the X Files. I never actually watched it while it was on. I am going to the gym. I want to run outside but that's a ridiculous concept in this sort of weather. And thai food, that too. I need to clean- there are two empty pudding cups on my bedside table. Yesterday was a grey gardens sort of day.
I could write about friday night and what gave me the hangover but it's just old familiar vodka tonics and oh I forgot that the guy from jurassic five was djing. I forgot about that. There was some impressive breakdancing. Erin was wondering if breakdancing was a dominant gene. I don't think babies pop-lock their way out of a womb.

If anyone can provide me with a link to video footage of cynthia mckinney's recent televised mental breakdown, in which she sings a Pink song into the microphone, I would be greatly appreciative.

yeah.

Last night I decided to paint my fingernails bright fucking red. Today I have put my hair up in tiny buns, hoping it will be wavy when I take them down. As it is I look like some cartoon j-pop rave chick from the early 90's. Somebody pass the plastic clothing, please.
Saturday gym time, saturday pool time, saturday netflix time, today it was Soylent Green and I bet it would have been better if I did not already know that SOYLENT GREEN WAS PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE POPSICLES. I do like that they called the prostitutes (kept women?) "furniture". 2022 is going to be such a great year I can feel it all the way from here.
Later there's an expensive birthday party starring that band The Subways but right now I am going to go see what Target can do for me. I have to take down this hairdo first.

devo drag


drawing restraint 14


jal and a sandwich




forbidden island at alameda


no gum you guys




imperial teen supernova


loch ness spinach

and now the zoo animals









sebastian "not really a zoo animal"

Oh man. Ok, back from San Fran, or I should say back from San Fran plus an extra sick day because my back was so locked up/ in pain that I could barely walk. I maybe should not have gone to the zoo on monday but who can say no to the zoo, especially a zoo with a meerkat disco?
Some things I learned while in SF:
-you can get half-drunk for free in alameda, and with a little finagling you can get full drunk.
-seagulls are basically assholes.
-drawing restraint seven is hilarious you guys. you just have to see it.
-I am not good with stairs and dollar slots.
-when a cabbie tells you that his credit card machine is working, it probably isn't.
-other stuff, I don't remember.
pictures to follow, yo.

Oh great, so my myspace account was deleted. I guess that was the next step, right? I don't even feel like messing with that shit today.*

Last night I watched "Out of Africa", the whole thing I mean and not just pieces. Is it just me or is robert redford difficult in every single movie? His characters, I mean. I like the clothes and that one part where they back up very slowly and then shoot the lions. I want a farm in africa during WWI.

I am trying to find a picture of this one amazing hat, but I can't.


My myspace account is still there and I found the picture of the hat. I have basically accomplished everything I have set out to accomplish today, and it is not even 11am.

FUCK YOU WEEK, TODAY I AM WINNING.

Albums I just bought from the 99 cent/ dollar 99 cent vinyl bins at Zias:

I can't find the lyrics to that Bubba Sparxx song "Claremont Lounge" anywhere. I really hope it includes a reference to someone stripping to "867-5309", which was probably the best thing I ever saw there.

It probably doesn't.

I think Carrot Top goes to my gym. I mean maybe not but how many people look like this:

yikes, i may have to switch gyms.