n'est pas

Tonight at Lenny's the following exchanges occured between the hours of one am and three am:

Between me and a friend:
Me: Ok, other than being drunk how are you?
Him: Great!
Me: Good, what've you been up to?
Him: Well last week I beat my record for most sex had in 24 hours. How have you been?
Me: Wow, not that good!
Him: (laughter, something unintelligable)
Me: You're not driving home, are you?

Right, let's stop sharing now.

Between me and a guy I'd never met but who looked like a Carbona-in-training:
Him: Hi, what's your name?
Me: Jill. And yours?
Him: (I don't remember this). How old are you?
Me: Twenty-four.
Him: I'm ninteen. Do you want to dance?
Me: I'm not really feeling the dance floor right now, but I'll let you know.
(proceed to lose him in a crowd of his twins.)

I guess that was his stab at picking up a mysterious older woman, though I don't know if he assumed that women secretly dream of random hook-ups with underage hipsters. Pretty far down the list, kiddo, especially considering that a nineteen-year old hipster and a twenty-six year old hipster are pretty much the same thing, emotions-wise, except the twenty-six year old had been in more failed bands and probably doesn't live with his parents.

Between me and the guy who used to own MJQ:
Me: Hey I know you from New Years.
Him: Oh god. Yeah I remember that.
Me: You were in the hot tub the whole time.
Him: I didn't try to kiss you, did I?
Me: No, but I didn't really meet you until nine in the morning.
Him: Me and my rhinestones.
Me: How was the highland inn?
Him: It was ok.

Between me and a guy I had a crush on in college, but he does not remember my name and why should he? It's been four years. We are shouting because we're shaking it one time on the dance floor
Me: I have a degree from the journalism school!
Him: I was in the journalism school!
Me: I know! We had classes together!
Him: I don't know how I don't remember you! You look sort of familiar, though!
Me: My memory is wierd! I remember the most random people!
Him: I'm really bad at it! So do you have a job?!
Me: Yeah!
Him: Six years of school and I still work in a coffee shop! I'm twenty-four! I'm like the oldest person here!
Me: LeBrian is older than you! Givan is older than you! (names changed) I'm your age!
Him: I feel like a fossil!
(kudos to me for refraining from mentioning the fact that I knew which restaurant he worked at and still had his picture. in a book somewhere kids, not on me. I'm not crazy that way. Too much energy drain.)

Between me and a guy I met at a random party a few months ago and I assumed I'd never see again so I gave him my friend's e-mail address when he asked for mine. Because I was kind of messed up and he kept following me around which was kind of creepy at the time.
Him: I e-mailed you and you never wrote back.
Me: Really? God, I'm sorry about that. I must've thought it was junk mail.
Him: (skeptical) maaybe...
Me: I really don't remember. But I am sorry.
(I felt kind of bad for not giving him the real address because he's nice enough and has a girlfriend, but my friend and I like to give our other male friend's address out when we get asked for our e-mail addresses by strangers. It's not only safer, it also provides a brief moment of hilarity).

Between me and my friend Jal:
Jal: Are you ready to get out of here?
Me: Yes.
Jal adjusts riding helmet, both head for door.

These are available in short play form for public performance. Just ask!