n'est pas

Hard Truths (from a story by Mark O' Donnell in McSweeneys.)

There will be scattered showers throughout the remainder of your life.
You, and everyone you know, will eventually die.
You wouldn't worry what other people think about you if you knew how seldom they do think of you.
You are not going to get your wishes.
There is no Loch Ness Monster.
There is no Sasquatch.
There is no Abominable Snowman.
There are no UFOs.
There are no angels.
There is no God.
$9.95 means ten dollars.
You only live once.
They blame the post office but they never actually sent any thank-you note.
The post-office service is pretty good.
There are no top-secret government conferences with super-intelligent bees.
Try all you like to "fix" it, but little boys want to play with guns and little girls want to play with dolls.
You cannot "get used" to poison.
You do not want to know what's in hot dogs.
Hot tea does not cool you off.
Scarlett O'Hara does not get Rhett Butler back.
"I Love Lucy" is not funny.
Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK.
Not even a Hindu swami can hold his breath for more than three minutes.
There is no justice.
The egg came first, a mutated offspring of a near-chicken bird-lizard that wasn't genetically exactly a chicken.
What we call a soul is just a conspiracy of replicating chemical chains.
Actually, fish do feel pain when hooked, but...who cares?