I'm leaving for Atlanta tonight. Happy non-religion specific holiday, everyone!

Man, internet was down all day yesterday. Here's a picture that I was going to post. Made it a few years ago, forgot about it completely:

Here is what snow looks like in the desert (by request, and also I didn't take any of them):

(all pictures courtesy of the las vegas review-journal. i think.)

It's snowing here* today. At least they don't freak out here like they do in Atlanta every time a drop of the white stuff** is spotted.



*Las Vegas
**what the newscasters here call snow. I guess as opposed to what, cocaine?

It will probably make your soul bleed.

What have we been talking about lately?

What color shoes to wear with a green dress, how am I going to get a Nintendo Wii, it smells like popcorn and cake at the same time, the "rural juror", it must be popcorn cake, hornymanatee dot com, have I completely lost the ability to write a cohesive blog entry, probably.

That fucking Paul McCartney christmas song is in my head.

they have something called a friday night "jam skate session". oh it is so on.

PARIS - A team of American-led divers has discovered a new crustacean in the South Pacific that resembles a lobster and is covered with what looks like silky, blond fur, French researchers said Tuesday.
Scientists said the animal, which they named Kiwa hirsuta, was so distinct from other species that they created a new family and genus for it.












the prophesy is coming to pass, you guys.

I need to start taking my laptop home every night and updating livejournal around seven pm. Because that's when my most profound realizations about the day seem to happen. When everything has sunk in and sits there taking up all the room like the moisture in a three milks cake. Updating at eleven am leads to such topics as:
i need more taxidermy in my house
why is beer of the month club so expensive
i wonder if my mom still has the salt map of antarctica that i made in the fifth grade
similies like the moisture in a three milks cake
KRFT KLBS for scenesters who want to make dioramas and terrariums. and salt maps of antarctica.

I have a series of childcraft books back home in lagrange georgia that can teach me just about anything using four color photos of animals, erlenmeyer flasks and macrame projects. There was a scary guide for parents that had pictures of diseases that have since been wiped out in a giant wave of antibiotics and other such medical advances, a book about plants that I hardly even touched.
For the past few days I have been missing Atlanta like crazy but maybe it's that I miss being skinny and medicated. My sense of place and time are all scrambled and embedded, I don't miss places but I do miss eras. Maybe's it's selective hindsight.

(aka pre-glasnost geographical insights and projects with underlying agendas)

"everyone's a party photographer" is the new "everyone's a dj".

I love the Wayback Machine. Because thanks to its powers, I can now give you a list of headings which have appeared at the top of this blog throughout history. And by history I mean since 2003, when I first started it.

Melmac!
The Place Where I Am On
Channel 7 Hazard Weather Action Tracking Meterology Wolfpack
Now Is The Winter of Our Discount Tent
Positively Robotic. Positively Maddening.
Number One Choice In Farcical Pedagogues.
Occasional, Superfluous Assents of the Interlocutor
Dehumidifier: The Bloggening!
Pomoeroticism, Protofuturism, Postdehumidification and You (the viewer) as "Self". (the online text)
Eatso Much, Peso Little
Gonna Live It Up Down Old South America Way

Now I am going to go see what other pages looked like throughout history. Remember when this blog was where it was at? Call me a mentally challenged thirteen year old with nothing to say, but I'm more into livejournaling these days.

I STILL LOVE YOU BLOG what am i saying.

95% of debating is physical appearance. It's not what you say, it's how you look saying it.

Last night I was at a party with a) john waters b) that band gravy train c) kato kaelin. I kept asking people seriously am I not just hallucinating kato kaelin again. Oh and d) five billion other people. People who took a lot of bathroom pictures.

I just had an eight hour dream about being late for some things and running away from others, all set to the tune of a impossibly large crowd and insufficient restraint devices. I am still recovering. I think the key to shaking it is going down the street to Borders, getting some coffee and buying the first season of Strangers With Candy on dvd. Exactly.

I was planning on writing more, I think. Initially.

I liked this quiz.

Here are a few random pictures from last week. Mostly Stratosphere-related. Some waffle-related.

my favorite hotel sign in vegas






the thinking book






dad surveying all of vegas







So there you go. If only I had a ton of cool friends here with a ton of cool hair and cut up clothing to photograph falling half out of the frame, but I all I gots is the tourism industry and what it pays me to do.

Better old school computer game:

OREGON TRAIL





or WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CARMEN SANDIEGO



(EDIT: Insert "Visit Interpol" joke here)

I'm going to go with Carmen Sandiego. Because besides the fact that I rocked that game, unlike Oregon Trail there was no outcome in which your entire family dies of syphillis.

Am I the only person on earth who did not know that there was a THREAT DOWN GENERATOR?

This opens up a whole world of myspace image commenting.

I start making a list of things I have run out of. I attach it to the fridge in hopes of one day becoming the sort of person who does not have to run out of a thing before remembering to get more of it. I think in order to accomplish this I need to get one of those magnetic list pads, maybe one of those snarky ones from urban outfitters that say things like SHIT I NEED TO REMEMBER or something else equally hard core. Nothing says fuck you to the man like cursing all over an appliance. I keep wasting paper from my bon bon on the go go notebook, the notebook leftover from atlanta that I can't lose even if I try, the notebook that contains half an alphabetical short story, half of my friends' addresses and half lists of things I had already run out of:
"stamps, hangers, hair bands(?)"
"ice cream, biscuits, toilet paper"
"boxes, superglue, shoe inserts"
"hair towel, shelving, av cord adapter"
"six pack of coca cola, camel turkish golds" neither of which i consume, strangely enough
"charles darwin, marie curie, napoleon bonaparte". hm..

I've been having lucid dreams that I am depressed to the point of catatonia. People are yelling things at me, people are saying you have to do this and that, I know I have things I need to do but I can hardly move. I have been falling asleep with the television on. It always has something to do with the television being on.
Here's another list:
"stop falling asleep with the television on, make more lists"

As soon as the dryer is finished doing the one thing that god put it on earth to do* I will go to the gym and then run various other errands. It's three forty six, it will be dark in an hour.


*dry

Oh and for some reason i inexplicably watched most of the Auburn/Alabama game on Saturday, even though it was kind of obvious that Auburn was going to win.
Call it the curse of having five channels or being raised on SEC football or a combination thereof. College football is so much better than the NFL.


oh man i totally forgot to mention that The Rapture has a SAXAPHONE PLAYER IN IT. it's the same guy that plays the cowbell. it totally blew my mind all over the place.

i think shirley temple is stuck in my computer. oh wait no that's just joanna newsom.

Help! I am thinking about cooking for me and my dad this thanksgiving, I need some good vegetarian recipies that are also tasty to meat eaters! Why am I even thinking about cooking- I am only a good cook in my own head, and even then things turn out too basil-y.
Friday night I saw the Rapture and the Presets, which was fun until I got too drunk to walk in a straight line. Which basically killed Saturday, and I spent most of the day Sunday cleaning. So that was my weekend. Somebody pass me the excitement scepter.

I want this to actually happen: Wikipedia: Every Topic in the Universe Except Chickens.

Unfortunately the bastards running the place have locked the article.

In the year 9595, a race of deformed turkey was genetically developed by chicken scientists as revenge against his bird brother. These turkeys would exit the womb doused in gravy; gravy filled with the giblets...from a monkey.

The French craved it and as a result, Turkey became the only food source for France...which is now called RoboFrance29. I was later killed by the chickens. So, of course, you can see why I'm angry at those chickens.
Months and months ago I came upon your neighbor taking the form of the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future. But I didn't realize he was an agent; a chicken in disguise. Sent from the year 19.. Sent from the year 19...

From there, they had evolved...big time. From beyond feathers, their beaks had softened and they had acquired synthetic intelligence and appendages from the chicken black market from beyond the moon!

Enjoy those tacos now, for in a thousand years, they will be illegal. Hahaha...I think we all know why. Anti-taco legislation! Disestablishmentarianism!

happy impending holiday from turkitron.

LAW AND ORDER: SLU

Some things.

1. I really wish someone would make vegetarian chili for our office's annual chili cookoff. Notice how I didn't say I really wish we didn't have a cookoff. I love an office cliche.

2. Every once in awhile I will see a commercial on television and recognize one of the names in it as a person I went to school with back at the circus. It's because when we write commercials we have to use the name of someone in the agency or our own name, so we won't get sued.

3. I kind of want to see that movie Happy Feet. IS THAT SO WRONG. Fucking penguins.

why would anyone put animal crackers in their soup.

I have been trying to add new people my band's myspace profile (Wolfenschnitzel, formerly Electroschnitzel), but no one accepts band requests anymore. So if you aren't our friend yet, add us IF YOU DARE:

Click here to view our awesome profile



(our folk electronica album)



ps. still no actual music

Why aren't all the seasons of Law and Order out on DVD? All I can find is season one through four, and then inexplicably season fourteen. I can freaking get that ONE SEASON of the law and order show dealing with the trial itself, you know that one with bebe neuwirth, on dvd but not any of thoese tween original L&O seasons. Come on, people responsible for this. Get with it.
Ok, here are my top five albums of all time, it seems to be a popular subject as of late.
no particular order

David Bowie- Hunky Dory
R.E.M.- Life's Rich Pageant
Love- Forever Changes
Beck- Odelay
Brian Eno- Taking Tiger Mountain (though in reality it's a conglomeration of that record and Here Come the Warm Jets)

and my favorite Pavement album is "Crooked Rain", which is definitely in the top ten. all my picks are so obvious, but at least I'm over Pet Sounds.

BECAUSE WHO DOESN'T LIKE SOCKS.

my friend, the math robot

Every once in awhile I like to post about childhood things I had previously forgotten about until this very moment. This is one of those moments.

ALPHIE



ALPHIE, BITCHES.

Here's something that has absolutely nothing to do with the election:

Banjo, unleashed!

ok, totally riding this awesome post election high. that is all. oh hell, i'll throw in a picture to make up for lack of content:



(i don't touch politics over here because so many other people blog it better, just wanted to give a sense of the general mood in this particular cubicle.)

ps. except nevada totally went republican, give or take a harry reid. who wasn't even up for re-election.

pps. i blame reno.

I am having a lot of i didn't register to vote in nevada/election day/the boss is going to hate all our tv ideas/the management is going to discover my illegal guinea pig even though he stays in his cage and is a generally clean young man because they are coming in to check appliances or something like that related anxiety today. It all manifests in my stomach. I can't eat, I feel sick and I'm pretty sure I'm going to start vomiting blood any second now. I mean, it's been worse. Case in point: 2005.
Upside: anxiety is an awesome diet.
Downside: I have a bad feeling about today. Luckily my feelings are tricky bastards and are rarely accurate.

I just watched that movie Punch Drunk Love. I guess I missed it the first time around. It was boring almost to the point of being insulting. I think I enjoyed the graphic design in the title sequence more than the entire rest of the movie. Now I'm watching Smallville, an episode with that dude from Lost on it. I can't tell if I'm still watching it because it is entertaining on it's own merits or entertaining only in comparison to Punch Drunk Love. I can tell you that this is the life. Oh man, is it. You can tell because I have updated twice on a Sunday.

Ladies and gentlemen, the bionic dolphin.

If I were running the New York Marathon (oh sorry the ing new york city marathon), I would want to be that guy running right next to Lance Armstrong so that I would get maximum television coverage. I would get more television coverage than the people who actually win. Lance would pass me those little cups of water. It would be a pretty awesome run. Holy shit, a woman won it in two hours and twenty five minutes? I am going to the gym as soon as my clothes are dry.
Can people carry on coherent conversations during those last ten or so miles? I guess not, at least not if everyone around you is from a different country.

Last night I ate a sixty dollar dinner and drank entirely too much alcohol. Last night I rode in eighteen limos and sat under eighteen heat lamps in seventy degree weather. Today I am going to leave work at two, go home and eat salty foods. I am going to watch more arrested development and nap. Tonight I am going to go see the starlight mints for the first time ever. This weekend I am going to clean every inch of my house and attempt to spend zero amounts of money. Monday they are finally going to deliver my futon, I get to wait around for that. The seal is for marksmanship. And the gorilla, the gorilla is for sandracing.

I had this in a list of sorts but that's derivative. Of poetry.