n'est pas

From the desk of coworkers...
This e-mail chain started with my response to a nonfunctioning link sent to me about the Transformers.

Jill wrote:


Wow! My robot was disguised as a webpage that not only never appeared, but crashed (or DESTROYED) my internet explorer(bot) and my outlook(tacon) without warning. They just dissappeared. The song remains true- what met my eye was a simple link but there was so much more.

Into the clutches of this evil entity did my programs go, who I can only assume is Optimus Prime's extremely nerdy techhead sidekick- the transformer responsible for all those keyboard lazer sounds in the theme song.

And because the Decepticons took much more lucrative postitions being a fleet of H2s, the only enemy left is technology.

Or lack thereof.

I shall call him Commodorimus (64) Prime, and he shall live on a diet of two dimensional shapes that represent three dimensional foodstuffs.

Thanks Mark! I feel like a kid again!

(this is what happens when all your parents give you to play with is a footstool and a half-korean simon and garfunkle songbook...you think I'm kidding, but I can probably still recite every word to 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy).)

Evan wrote:

this is your task in the upcoming weeks, for whomever chooses to accept it.

i'd like an essay based upon the lyrical and time changes in the all-too-brief theme song.

to get you started, the regular common time of the first verse

Transformers
More than meets the eye
Transformers
Robots in Disguise
Transformers

(i believe it might be a variation on trochaic tetrameter)

But then it shifts gears DRAMATICALLY in a completely different time signature and meter. (anapestic pentameter?)

Autobots wage their Battle
To destroy the evil forces
Of the Decepticons

I'd like you to explore these changes, both lyrical and musical, their relationship to each other, and how in fact, it plays such a role in the life of the existentalist 'everyman.' (ie. wage their battle)

Bonus points for referencing the pre-crime and punishment works of dostoevsky.

Carlos wrote:
College boy.
Evan:
home schooler.
Carlos:
Book reader.
Evan:
glue sniffer
Carlos:
Imported cigarette smoker.
Evan:
monster truck t-shirt wearer.
Carlos:
Prog rock listener.
Evan:
HA. that's MATH rock, thank you very much. skoal chewer.
Carlos:
D&D player.
Evan:
mullet grower
Carlos:
Bumper sticker plasterer.
Evan:
cock-fight spectator
Carlos:
Hybrid car driver.
Evan:
1978 camaro on cinder-blocks in your front yard displayer.
Carlos:
Vegan.
Evan:
southern republican.
Carlos:
Non voter
Evan:
jesse helms disciple
Carlos:
Marijuana smoker
Evan:
doral cigarette smoker.
Carlos:
Non monogamous relationship haver.
Evan:
non-healthy-cousin-relationship-haver
Carlos:
Possibly-inappropriate-after-hours-intimate-conversation-with-Classics-professor engager.
Evan:
o'reilly factor 'believer'
Carlos:
Utne Reader reader.
Evan:
mobile home enthusiast.
Carlos:
Sandal wearer
Evan:
"dickies as my sunday wearin' duds" sporter.
Carlos:
Tofu "Rice Dream" dessert server.
Evan:
charlie daniels cover band singer.
Carlos:
Widespread all-3-nights New Year's Show attender.
Evan:
take your first date to captain d's doer.
Carlos:
First date at a Sylvia Plath reading meeter
Evan:
maybe-the-waitress-at-waffle-house-could-teach-me-how-to-read-wisher
Carlos:
Maybe-the-latte-girl-at-Aurora-will-be-impressed-by-my-arcane-knowledge-of-Life-in-Hell-comic-trivia-hoper.
Evan:
wary-of-people-who-aint-from-around-here-liver.
Carlos:
Exotic-yet-inedible-cuisine-for-the-sake-of-being-different eater.
Evan:
maybe-someday-i'll-leave-this-podunk-town-n-git-to-the-big-city:chattanooga-claimer.
Carlos:
Ironic-detachment-slowly-giving-way-to-actual-secret-interest-in-reality-show feeler
Evan:
'blowed up real good' quoter.
Carlos:
Wheat grass drinker
Evan:
imports-is-fer-communists-drawler
Carlos:
Facial hair grower
Evan:
male pattern baldness worrier.
Carlos:
Abstract art appreciator
Evan:
art's a queer man's pasttime confessor
Carlos:
I-think-the-artist-is-making-a-statement-about-the-role-of-women-in-today's-patriarchical-society-through-his-use-of-color-and-form sayer.
Evan:
god-gave-us-dominion-over-beasts-in-the-field'-and-that-includes-my-wife-preacher.
Carlos:
"Hey, a pasture. Let's go look for mushrooms on cow patties so I can see God again" thinker.
Evan:
" first it was evoltuion. then taking out prayer in schools, now it's 'under god,' from the pledge. them liberals is changin' things for the worser.' (sic)
Carlos:
"Grande skinny mocha latte with a shot of vanilla."(sic)
Evan:
dukes of hazzard, season two videotaper.