Thursday, June 10, 2004

Hey, remember when we used to send all those monkeys into space?

Ever wonder whatever happened to all of 'em once NASA started shooting people instead of chimps into the cosmos? I certainly did, so I decided to do a little research and found these unemployed NASA monkeys living and working among us as productive U.S. citizens. Productive poo-flinging U.S. citizens.
Some of the more interesting speci-primates:

After successfully orbiting the earth at least 4 thousand times before crash landing into the South Pole, Bobo became a stunt driver for Sylvester Stallone action blockbusters.

Though his pictures of the earth as viewed from space were often criticized at derivative of earlier views of earth from space, Mr. Bananakins went on to study under Annie Lebowitz and has since shot for such publications as Vanity Fair, Vogue, and Zoobooks.

Many thought that after his successful mid-orbit rendevous with a team of Russian space dogs, Skippers vanished from the face of the earth. These pictures prove otherwise. Apparently his experience with these commie canines took quite a toll on poor Skippers, as he is now living as a hired assasin in Minsk.

As sad as that last tale was, not all NASA monkeys can boast a lucrative passtime (illegal or otherwise). Here we see former Lt. Happypants at his most manic- jumping out of a mini-fridge and throwing Capri Sun juiceboxes at the handicapped.

Still other monkeys have given up on finding work all together. Once able to handle Commodore 64's better than most humans, Peanutbuddy now spends most of his day thumbing through phone books looking to crank call employed human astronauts. A bitter state for the once such good-natured Peanutbuddy.

And then of course there's the all-too common story of Sir Jumpsaround ("Jumpers" Mission Control later promoted to science officer). Though this picture shows a seemingly happy Jumpers, he was later spat out of the bottom of the gay porn industry.

Of course this is just the tip of the iceberg: there are hundreds of other monkeys out there with a story or two for you. Stories that go to show what you can accomplish with just a banana and a dream. (if you are a monkey.)