n'est pas

I bet riding a tandem bike (you know, one of them bicycles built for two) is a lot like using a ouija board. Except queries as to who's moving the game heart become:

"Are you pedaling too fast?"
"No, are you?"
"No, are you?"
"Oh great now we're not even moving."
"You have to concentrate!"
"Why? This bike is a joke! It's nothing but a factory mistake masquerading as a fun two-person activity!"
"Oh just because you can't keep up with simple 7/8 time, even after I gave you several Don Caballero selections to hum so you wouldn't lose the rhythm. Some tandem bike friend you are."
"Hey. Buddy. Turn around for a sec."
"What. What is it now? You wanna complain that I didn't spring for the tandem segway?"
"Have you noticed my lack of knee joints? Or legs in general? Yeah, I'm a goddamn stuffed tyrannasaurus rex!"
"Oh like I've never heard that one before."
"From your talking lamp?! This voice you're hearing from me? That ain't me! That's in your head! I'd say you have bigger problems then immobility."
"Watch it...you remember what happened to my goldfiah bowl."
"Goldfish bowl? I don't remember fish...frankly I'm starting to question the functionality of a stationary tamdem bike."
"That's right you don't remember my goldfish bowl because that goldfish bowl was my former stationary bobsled partner! Until he claimed not to 'possess the abilities to steer a bobsled'..."
"Uh huh. Damn if I could inch I would be inching towards the door right now...down the hall...to the lobby of what I can only assume is either an asylum or George Harrison video."
"Fine. But you can forget about ever making it to the stationary olympics!"
"...either way I'd say it's pretty damn scary."
"So are we going to go on this excursion or not?"
"I guess I could just repeatedly fall on one of the pedals."
"That's the spirit!"
"Point A here we come..."
"Dammit next time I'm just calling Marie Curie. She never complains about physical setbacks."
"And Marie Curie would be-"
"The sample tune from my Casio keyboard."
"Right."


yeah, something like that.