n'est pas

Hurrican Ivan, named after Russian Czar Ivan The Terrible (due to their similar methods of oppressing serfs and enforcing a rigid pogrom-based slash and burn white proletariat brand of Imperialistic Monarchy), has apparently broken through the Bermuda Triangle, which was set up specifically to disorient such massive storms. In light of this recent development it was deemed Category 5, which is like the hired assassin if the weather bureau had a justice division or a Law And Order Spinoff.
Meanwhile we are still droppin' bombs in Iraq, and that is not a metaphor unless you were thinking of the sort of metaphor that explodes and kills a bunch of people. It's as though the government were trying to distract us from America's real enemy: Weather Patterns. It is clear, having carefully noticed that hurricanes keep landing on Florida and destroying stuff and killing people and SUVs, that there is recordable evidence that Weather Patterns are trying to take our freedom more so than Iraq or even France. Do you think it is a coincidence that it chooses to bring most of it's wrath on the state most responsible for bringing W. to ultimate power due to it's inability to count? Or that Ivan is a Russian and Communist name and the Communists have a long history of Freedom-theivery? Don't be suprised if, in the near future, you see other signs of Weather Pattern anger in the form of avalanches, forest fires (specifically targeting Smokey the Freedom Bear), and extremely uncomfortable humidity. We have Special Advanced Doppler Weather Radar Storm Teams all over the nation tracking these atrocities. It is now the time to show those contrasting fronts and ass cold winds that America will not stand by and live in fear of Weather.
If Weather wins, then the terrorists win! And then weather will see the terrorists and destroy them! And then the Weather wins! It's not good, either way! Four more years!