n'est pas

On a morning he would later (wrongly) describe as "almost kafka-esque", Raphael awoke to discover the citizens of Manhattan had collectively morphed into giant bags of balloons, into helium sacs silently hovering several feet above the sidewalk. Their almost total aimlessness stood (or floated, rather) in stark contrast to Raphael's abrupt resolve, blocking his oft-tread path to grandetoday frappucino. Slowly reaching into his coat pocket, he focused on one particularly cumbersome agglomeration taking up the entirety of the sidewalk and with a medium-sized safety pin secured between his index and middle fingers, he began what would ultimately escalate into an all-out war between man and balloon.

(this has been your david foster wallace moment of the day, thanks for tuning in!)