n'est pas

Wow everything is suddenly terrible again, I guess like when I was told I no longer had a job and I didn't know what to say because and there is no because. Because I don't know except that in a matter of minutes everything was suddenly terrible and now I have to finish everything there is to finish and get on a plane and maybe when I come back I can arrange the thoughts that I am looking at but are still nowhere close to reaching my head. I think alcohol is the worst thing ever but then I want a drink sometimes, story of my life with all the crawling back and whatnot.
I should never plan to yell "fuck you" over the phone because I just can't do it, I have all these plans and then I get choked up and whimper something along the lines of having nothing to say. I can't pack Infinite Jest because it takes up half my suitcase, maybe I will just pack the footnotes? I will work on a way to do that.