n'est pas

Shaq, Today's Events, and You: A Brief Overview

Shaq arrives at 3:34 because he always arrives in Atlanta at that time. I will be gazing out the window up 400 and see him making his way down to Phillips Arena on a magic flying Kazaam carpet, and then his entourage would get a message from air traffic control down at Hartsfield saying that he couldn't land on the arena cause there are regulations on flying carpets (or any flying inanimate object) and his entourage would be like like "you can't put regulations on Shaq" and they'd have to obey cause he's just that awesome. Plus he'd be rapping the whole time.
After the mess with Hartsfield-JACKSON (how easily you forget) he lands on the roof of Phillips. A Golden Segway is waiting on him. He quickly navigates the stairs and is immediately out on the street when he bumps into Rippy (who is taking a break from the fast-paced world of nonstop news broadcasting). Shaq asks ol' Rip for a cig, and they share a smoke and a tale. A tale about the horse farms right outside of town. Shaq is worried that there wont be a horse his size, but Rippy recalls the legend of LORDASUS the largest horse in America. Included in this legend is the fact that LORDASUS does, in fact, actually dwarf Shaq. Shaq, in disbelief, throws Rippy on his back and they hi-tail it out of town. Arriving at said dude ranch, Rip guides the King of Basketball and Cellular Phone Burgers straight to THE STABLE. There is much tussle inside. The doors bust open and THE LORDASUS is standing directly above Shaq, stomping, gale force puffs of wind exiting his nostrils. Shaq is scared for the first time in his life, but remains confident. He grabs a lock from the horse's mane and whips his big ass leg right over the top of LORDASUS before the horse could blink. "But no man, human or deity hath been able to tame this creature" Rippy yells. LORDASUS, however, had yet to meet the Lord of the Earth. Shaq slams his heels into the midsection of the horse and they gallop off back towards the city with a majesty only afforded to greatness such as their's. Before dissappearing into the sunset, Shaq pulls a flag from his cargo pants and holds it so all can read: Camp Shaq. He scores 50 tonight.

(as contributed to by dehumidifier and coke bref, both former youth counselors at Camp Shaq)

here is another picture I threw together using the magic of photoshop and it's many many...many filters:



And this is what I have been doing in lieu of anything remotely constructive for corporate america.